Roast the Holiday

 

the cookies are just to look good and decoration

Have you ever felt frustrated when you have a family holiday and they immediately start pointing out every flaw you have? If not, then when they do this article is perfect for you and if they have, this article is still perfect for you. The holidays can be either known as “Merry Christmas” or “Merry Family Roastmas”. No one likes being roasted and to not have a comeback on top of that is not so jolly. I’m here to help you with you’re roasting and put you’re family members to their place, but still show that you love them. Also, roasting doesn’t need to just happen because someone made fun of you. You can roast people if you just plain hate them.

In every roasting you do you have to make sure to use the “sandwich” method. This makes sure that you compliment them while still insulting them. If they’re still mad at you then I guess you won’t be seeing them in the holidays from now on.

The Roast Driver

This person is going to be talking gossip and smack about anyone and everything. Whether it’s you or you’re mom you need to make sure that if they do roast you BE PREPARED! For example, if that person says that they’re a better driver than you and you clearly want to punch them in their face you just pop this out of you’re phone:    and you say, “THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN U DRIVE!”

The Outer Roaster

Now this roaster will make fun of you’re appearance and doesn’t care if you be looking like Beyoncé. When you pass by them they take one sniff of your perfume and they start gagging. So when they do, you leave them so they learn their lesson. They just don’t know what’s the difference between the scent of success and a bag of vomit. If they keep on roasting them you just say, “I’m sorry that you have a face that looks like a rat on steroids” and strut away in your heels.

The Ultimate Roaster

The Ultimate Roaster is the person who will always find a comeback to your roast so when that happens there is only one solution. RUN AWAY! You can’t go against that and even if you try it the results will be like Black Friday, memorable but scary. The only way you can go against the Ultimate Roaster is if you’re Obama and Obama has more important things to worry about. So be like him and say,
So during the holidays don’t be laying on your bed having nothing to do, start roasting people you hate and have fun while it lasts.

Make sure to remember the “Golden Rule of Roasting”

ONLY ROAST IF THEY ROAST YOU FIRST!!!!

Be like Obama and say “Gurl…..BYE” and walk off in the most sassiest way you can think of, but keep it classy as well. This is a PG blog and we don’t want be turning into a Donald Trump.

Happy Holidays and keep on ROASTING!!!!

xoxo, kurrikim